Sex And Love Addiction - Yes, it Really is a Thing

by Ethlie Ann Vare
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6 books
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Desire

Where Sex Meets Addiction
Susan Cheever, 2009
“Addiction to other people -– especially addiction to sex partners –- is the only addiction that is applauded and embraced,” notes the author (who also penned a terrific biography of AA co-founder Bill Wilson.) She is pretty much on the same page as I am in my own book, LOVE ADDICT: Sex, Romance and Other Dangerous Drugs, although she was more into alcohol and extra-marital affairs and I was all about cocaine and inappropriate crushes. Cheever is recognized as a world-class essayist; her writing is thoughtful and revealing.

Why We Love

The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
Helen Fisher, 2005
Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher is the doyenne of romance research. You may have seen one of her TED Talks. She’s the genius who put people in fMRI machines and showed them pictures of their long loves, longed-for loves and lost loves, giving us a picture of exactly what those things do to our brains. (Spoiler: It’s the same as hard drugs.) Her work gives scientific heft to the topic love addiction.

God of Our Understanding

Jewish Spirituality and Recovery from Addiction
Shais Taub, 2011
If love addiction is really addiction and you really have to recover from it, the modality with the best track record is the 12-step program pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous. And as it was founded by two straight, cis, middle-aged, and very Christian white guys, it has often proved problematic to anyone who isn’t those things. Rabbi Taub’s funny, warm, loving book makes the spirituality of recovery available to all.

Women, Sex, and Addiction

A Search for Love and Power
Charlotte S. Kasl, 1990
“Women exchange sex for love. Men exchange words of love for sex.” That’s my line, not Kasl’s, but this straight-talking midwestern psychologist looks clinically — with a feminist, sex-positive slant — at what happens when this cultural norm becomes an addiction. She was doing case studies on sex addiction years before other psychologists were talking about sex as an addiction.

Courage to Change—One Day at a Time in Al‑Anon II

Al-Anon Family Groups, 2018
This is a small (4x6), simple daily meditation book originally intended for the wives of alcoholics, but is a great thought-of-the-day tool for anyone who has difficulty in relationships. As the old-timers say: “People’s drinking doesn’t bother me. People bother me.” Each day might feature a personal essay, an old proverb, a nondenominational prayer, and a quote from Einstein or Ovid or Confucius. It’s wise and comforting, and you only need to read one page at a time.

Love Addict

Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs
Ethlie Ann Vare, 2011
Falling in love affects our brains precisely the same way as snorting cocaine. Trust me on that; I’ve been addicted to both. Yes, this is my book. I recommend the updated 2019 edition available on Kindle and iBooks. If you somehow feel like you're always clutching at someone's ankle, being dragged across the floor as they try to leave the room… this book is for you. LOVE ADDICT helps you decide if you are addicted to romance, shares the stories of some famous people who say they are, too, and offers practical solutions.