Don't be Nice, be Real
Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others
Don't Be Nice, Be Real is a lively, light approach to a deadly serious subject -- our lives. It is a mix of humor, radical wisdom, and new culture spirituality (the author studied under His Humorness the Jolly Llama).The book teaches the mechanics and spirit of Nonviolent Compassionate Communication (NVC) to cure Niceitis, a hereditary disease.Many of us feel powerless and victimized by the people and circumstances of our lives. We are tired of being one of the nice dead people in the world. This book takes us on a journey from being a depressed doormat -- or an agressive bully -- to an evolved, enlightened assertion of ourselves.Because we are so afraid of conflict, we hide behind a wall of culturally conditioned niceness, never living up to our potential for intimate relationships or creative expression in the world. I describe how being Mr(s). Nice Guy/Gal is a form of violence to oneself and others, and often an escape from a fully lived life. This book provides principles and tools for self-responsible, non-judgmental, clear and conscious honesty.The truths in this book have been tested with street gangs in San Diego, combined groups of Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, Palestinians and Israelis in the Middle East, and among the Croats, Serbs, and Muslims of the Balkans during the Bosnian war. They have worked with groups of hundreds of angry parents and San Diegans after school shootings. They have solved marital custody battles, and cracked even the toughest of nuts: church groups, school boards and PTAs.